Nearing the completion of a very big goal, what’s Next?
I’m Nearing the completion of a very big goal I set back at the beginning of 2023. It’s the website and merchandise booth I’ve been talking about. it’s been coming in and out of focus as other things had taken precedence temporarily. It’s been one of those things I talk about, I tell people about but it never seems to get anywhere. but sure enough I’ve been checking off all the box’s and there are only a few more box’s to check. A new horizon is upon me and It’s only a month away. I can’t help but ask what’s next.
Yeah sure I have plans jotted down, I have lists and itineraries. but there’s a fear in me that doubt’s that I’ll actually get to it. See rebuilding, structuring, getting the framework and then just getting occupied by mounds of commissions has just been my life. I have a knack of starting new projects like this, I was never getting to the end of these sort of tangential projects that are for my art but they aren’t my art by that I mean it’s not me sitting in my studio making new work. so when I would finish one project I would start another, and after that I’d redo the last or I’d loose a logo so I’d have to redraw it. just kinda creating this ground hog day like scenario where I have too much going on to actually make original work. or I would just have so much I committed to doing that I just couldn’t uphold the structure. I also want to add I think we all have a version of this struggle, we have something we do that keeps us from doing the things we love. It’s a dragon that we have to conquer. I think we do it because we’re ultimately afraid to do the thing we love cause it makes us happy and in some weird way we’re afraid to be happy.
This new horizon I’m envisioning is not just about wrapping up work on my website it’s about wrapping up starting new side projects, hobbies and offshoots. it’s about turning a new leaf and being conscientious about the things I commit to. Its easy to have a project looming over your head for a year and using it as an excuse to not start something. It’s easy to pile new offerings, new ideas, new products because it’s fun to come up with them.
But it’s time for me to get out of the idea phase, it’s time to stop overcommitting and underdelivering I’m ultimately just shooting myself in the foot because I’m afraid to go live and experience the real thing. Best analogy I can think of is someone wants to remodel their living room, and as soon as they finish it they’re tired of it and they just start over. at a certain point you just gotta sit down and get comfortable. Where’s the lazy boy? I’m ready to sit back and binge watch The Walking Dead!!!
It’s not to say that I haven’t been productive, I have actually produced more work in the last few years than ever potentially. but it’s a certain intuition I have that I can’t help but chase. I’ve had similar intuitions before and I was always happy once I got to the other side of it.
So let me describe what I see in my head. What I see now first and foremost is two hours in the studio every weekday evening that is non negotiable. But what I see after that is freedom and play. Yeah I want to be making paintings, drawings, digital drawings, I want to study Concept art. and that’s what all this building has been about, I have the structure in place to be able to organize all that, sell it, market it, find places to curate it, studios to apply to. I’ve been figuring out how to deliver the art as easily and efficiently to the right people. How to inventory it, how to make producing the pieces, producing reproductions so on so fourth the whole thing. So all that’s left to do is make it. So back to those two hours. All the structure is there so all that is left is play.
This is the piece I haven’t spoke about, I got all these plans and agenda’s but where’s the play. and that my friends is the horizon I’m talking about. I see fun and experimentation in the studio I see light goals but I mainly see myself just making whatever I feel like making without deadlines, without plans just a space to go and play every night. and that is not just about creating a career that is about creating an enjoyable life.
Play is over the horizon, I hope to see you there!
xoxo SMH
Thanks for reading my blog post. It means alot to me.
