I get a slight anxiety every time I start a new painting project. More specifically, I get anxious when I have to transfer the design from a sketch to the wall. I’m kind of embarrassed to admit this but I really only have time to paint when I get hired to paint (working on that). So it’s kinda like I’m learning how to do it again, each time I start a new project.
To get to the point, I’m always facing self doubt when I go to put the initial sketch on the wall. This whole thing isn’t even really about doing murals. It’s more about playing down the anxiety I face when doing something that’s just a normal part of my routine. I’dd assume We all deal with some version of this.
So here’s the positive spin I’m trying to put on this, I want to stop letting my fear poison my work flow. I want to stop believing what my negative self talk is telling me. I want to combat the negative self talk with confident words of affirmation. I want to go a step further and use my track record as proof such as: “I’ve done this a thousand times.”,“I do this over and over again.“,“There’s no reason for me to doubt the outcome.”. In doing so I’ll hopefully let go of the trepidation so I can just enjoy my art. I’m trying to let every phase of the process take on a life of its own. Let the vision be the vision, the sketch will be the sketch and the painting will be the painting, rather than measuring every step against the previous step in the process or some unreachable expectation.
That’s the whole point I’m trying to make. I have Prior proven experience we can draw upon. I’ve been through the process enough to trust we can do it. Worrying about whether or not we can do it will not make the work better. I want to be in a season of enjoying what I do. I want to be in a season of doing it because I love it. I’ve been through the blood sweat and tears part. Let me put my joy on display, let my job be fun and empowering. I’ve done it enough to trust my vision. I’ve drawn enough to trust my eyes. I’ve done it enough to know that every time I do something, Beauty will be the end result. It may not be exactly what I see in my head, it may not end up looking identical to the sketch, but that’s not the point. I give myself permission her and now to let go of my perfectionism.
I feel corny saying this but every part of making an art piece is a birthing process and every stage has its own life. I’m going to let go of all that fear and let the art take on a life of its own.
Yours truly
SMH
